There is a wall at the front part of the school. From that wall, I can see the shimmering morning light. It's the wall I once looked upon and quietly sighed. This wall represents the obstacles in my own life. Whether I cry or scream, it will never go away. But there were moments when light shone on this wall too. Let's find it. Let's search for it. Let's put all things and live for this moment. Even if we lose it someday, it's okay if we let others carry on the dreams we had to give up. Humans are not to live in the past. It'll be fine if we do what we can now.
Suffer and suffer through. There will be a rainbow coloured happiness waiting on the other side. Do not rush it. Do not be greedy. Do not give up. Everyone takes a step at a time.
How should I live my life from now on? That's what I've been thinking about. The present me is totally dependent on everybody. My legs wobble and I can't seem to speak well. Even so, this is my body and I can't give up on myself. Even for me, there must be a future of my own.
Doctor Mizuno, if anything happens to me, please use my body okay? Please find the cure okay? I want to help people with the same disease as mine.
Everyone, up until now, for being so kind to me,
Hontouni Arigatou!!! (thank you very much)
Live on forever.
Aya Ikeuchi
My Opinion:
We should all take our health seriously as our health determines our future. Many things if lost, can be replaced or retrieved. But once our health is damaged, there is no such thing as a U-turn. Some things once changed, are irreversible forever, thus we should all appreciate our present, healthy lives and for those who are not healthy, work towards leading a healthier and more meaningful lifestyle. Always remember, your health is your wealth!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
My mind's unweaving/ 10:19 PM
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I love the dad that’s proud and confident to say that he makes the best tofu in the world.
I love the health consultant mum, the one who is thinking about everyone in the city 24 hours, 7 days and live to see the delight of people’s faces.
My siblings lift me up by calling me elder sister. I love this family. As long as I have you guys, I think I will be fine no matter where I go.
Previously, I couldn’t find how I should live my life, and I couldn’t even see a small ray of hope and I’ve thought countless times how this disease have shattered my life. But… this is reality no matter how sad. I can’t escape this disease no matter how much I cry, and I can’t turn back time no matter how much I want to recapture the past.
If that’s the case, then I have to start loving myself as what I am now. Because there are so many things that I have realized for the first time since becoming affected by this disease. Like…what a blessing it is just to have your family around, or the warmth of a friend’s touch when they subtlely lend a hand or how fortunate you are just to be healthy. Not all were lost just because I got ill.
The burden of disability that I am carrying, this me…is who I am now. I’ve decided to live with pride. That’s why I alone have decided to go to a disability school. We may exist in a different place, but from now on, I want to find light in every step I choose to take. That’s why I won’t ever think that something in my life will end when I leave this school.
So what if you fall, as long as you get back get up again. If you look up at the sky when you fall, the vast blue sky is smiling at you today.
Aya Ikeuchi
My Opinion:
I feel very contented with the fact that Aya came to terms with her illness and accepted it with graciousness and understanding. She is very brave as many patients who suffer from terminal illnesses cannot accept themselves for what they are and end up giving up on themselves or living in self-denial. We feel that people surrounding the patients and claim to care for the patients should treat them as equals even though they may have disabilities. The disabilities may impede these patients but this does not mean that they are inferior in any way to a normal person. They should not abandon these patients in times of need, as concern and love towards a patient is the most encouraging and motivating thing an individual can do for the patient. Some patients with disabilities may even surpass normal people in terms of mental maturity and capacity, they may not be able to beat them in terms of physical activities, but they can do as much as them, or maybe even more in other aspects.
I love the health consultant mum, the one who is thinking about everyone in the city 24 hours, 7 days and live to see the delight of people’s faces.
My siblings lift me up by calling me elder sister. I love this family. As long as I have you guys, I think I will be fine no matter where I go.
Previously, I couldn’t find how I should live my life, and I couldn’t even see a small ray of hope and I’ve thought countless times how this disease have shattered my life. But… this is reality no matter how sad. I can’t escape this disease no matter how much I cry, and I can’t turn back time no matter how much I want to recapture the past.
If that’s the case, then I have to start loving myself as what I am now. Because there are so many things that I have realized for the first time since becoming affected by this disease. Like…what a blessing it is just to have your family around, or the warmth of a friend’s touch when they subtlely lend a hand or how fortunate you are just to be healthy. Not all were lost just because I got ill.
The burden of disability that I am carrying, this me…is who I am now. I’ve decided to live with pride. That’s why I alone have decided to go to a disability school. We may exist in a different place, but from now on, I want to find light in every step I choose to take. That’s why I won’t ever think that something in my life will end when I leave this school.
So what if you fall, as long as you get back get up again. If you look up at the sky when you fall, the vast blue sky is smiling at you today.
Aya Ikeuchi
My Opinion:
I feel very contented with the fact that Aya came to terms with her illness and accepted it with graciousness and understanding. She is very brave as many patients who suffer from terminal illnesses cannot accept themselves for what they are and end up giving up on themselves or living in self-denial. We feel that people surrounding the patients and claim to care for the patients should treat them as equals even though they may have disabilities. The disabilities may impede these patients but this does not mean that they are inferior in any way to a normal person. They should not abandon these patients in times of need, as concern and love towards a patient is the most encouraging and motivating thing an individual can do for the patient. Some patients with disabilities may even surpass normal people in terms of mental maturity and capacity, they may not be able to beat them in terms of physical activities, but they can do as much as them, or maybe even more in other aspects.
My mind's unweaving/ 11:09 PM
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Compared to the world out there, the world that I live in now is narrow and small, but not all is lost. Being sick isn’t a misfortune, it’s simply just an inconvenience.
I like the sound of the ball resounding in the gym. The quiet classrooms after school too. The scenery from the window too. The creaky floor in the hallway too. Chatting before homeroom too.. I like them all.
I may just be an inconvenience. I may not be useful for anything. Even so, I want to be here because this is where I belong. Friends, I’m grateful for treating me as their equal. Ah, I’m so glad. It is alright for me to think that I wasn’t always a burden to them, isn’t it?
The moment I leave this school, I feel like something in my life will end.
Aya Ikeuchi
My opinion:
Aya has an extreme sense of attachment towards her school and she feels that the school is where she had once had a sense of belonging and acceptance. She tried her hardest to make the best out of the time she had left in her school even though she knew her departure was imminent. I admire her determination and perseverance as her efforts towards making her remaining days in school worthwhile are very touching. No matter the problems, no matter the obstacles, she will still persevere on through and seek solace within what she has around her, like her friends.
I like the sound of the ball resounding in the gym. The quiet classrooms after school too. The scenery from the window too. The creaky floor in the hallway too. Chatting before homeroom too.. I like them all.
I may just be an inconvenience. I may not be useful for anything. Even so, I want to be here because this is where I belong. Friends, I’m grateful for treating me as their equal. Ah, I’m so glad. It is alright for me to think that I wasn’t always a burden to them, isn’t it?
The moment I leave this school, I feel like something in my life will end.
Aya Ikeuchi
My opinion:
Aya has an extreme sense of attachment towards her school and she feels that the school is where she had once had a sense of belonging and acceptance. She tried her hardest to make the best out of the time she had left in her school even though she knew her departure was imminent. I admire her determination and perseverance as her efforts towards making her remaining days in school worthwhile are very touching. No matter the problems, no matter the obstacles, she will still persevere on through and seek solace within what she has around her, like her friends.
My mind's unweaving/ 9:53 PM
Monday, March 3, 2008
Last spring, my heart was filled with anticipation of attending my high school.
It's over. It feels as though the one and only spring of my life has just ended.
I want to return to the past. Make a time machine!
I want to build a time machine and revisit the past. If it weren’t for this disease, I might even be in love.
It was so vexing and shameful. I should struggle by myself. But I helplessly drag in the people around me. When I move around I cause trouble for everybody, so the least I could do was to drink less water to reduce my frequent need to go to the toilet. I do not want to become a liability to the people who care for me as every trip to the toilet is gruelling and inconvenient.
One day I won't be able to walk or stand.or even talk. Things that I have previously been able to do has begun to diminish one by one this year.
In my dreams I'm able to walk and talk to my friends or play basketball and run with all my might. But when I wake up, I have a body that’s no longer able to move freely.
My everyday life has been changed. What can I do to prevent a fall when I walk? What can I do to finish my lunch sooner? What can I do to not let people’s stare bother me? I can't function unless I consciously think of these things. Go to high school, then college, and then get a job…how I’d picture my future to be has…become zero.
Aya Ikeuchi
My opinion:
We should all cherish and treasure what we have now as we never know what will happen in the future or maybe even tomorrow. We sympathise and empathise with Aya as she is extremely pitiful. At the tender age of mere fifteen, she contracted such a terminal disease which condemned her forever, this is probably one of the worst tortures any teenager could ever go through. Aya is also very considerate and thoughtful as she cares a lot for the people around her and the last thing she would want to do is create trouble for them or make them feel uncomfortable.
It's over. It feels as though the one and only spring of my life has just ended.
I want to return to the past. Make a time machine!
I want to build a time machine and revisit the past. If it weren’t for this disease, I might even be in love.
It was so vexing and shameful. I should struggle by myself. But I helplessly drag in the people around me. When I move around I cause trouble for everybody, so the least I could do was to drink less water to reduce my frequent need to go to the toilet. I do not want to become a liability to the people who care for me as every trip to the toilet is gruelling and inconvenient.
One day I won't be able to walk or stand.or even talk. Things that I have previously been able to do has begun to diminish one by one this year.
In my dreams I'm able to walk and talk to my friends or play basketball and run with all my might. But when I wake up, I have a body that’s no longer able to move freely.
My everyday life has been changed. What can I do to prevent a fall when I walk? What can I do to finish my lunch sooner? What can I do to not let people’s stare bother me? I can't function unless I consciously think of these things. Go to high school, then college, and then get a job…how I’d picture my future to be has…become zero.
Aya Ikeuchi
My opinion:
We should all cherish and treasure what we have now as we never know what will happen in the future or maybe even tomorrow. We sympathise and empathise with Aya as she is extremely pitiful. At the tender age of mere fifteen, she contracted such a terminal disease which condemned her forever, this is probably one of the worst tortures any teenager could ever go through. Aya is also very considerate and thoughtful as she cares a lot for the people around her and the last thing she would want to do is create trouble for them or make them feel uncomfortable.
My mind's unweaving/ 9:40 PM
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Why did the disease choose me? I cannot carry it if its just for the word fate.
Though I’m seeing the same view as yesterday, though I’m walking the same road as yesterday, my world has totally changed. Surely I will never laugh like that again. The old me no longer exists.
Day by day like this, will I be unable to do things? When I close my eyes, I become frightened of the next day approaching. When the morning comes, I get so afraid, pondering about whether it may get worse. I’m so scared of the time passing by.
Aya Ikeuchi
My opinion:
People say that humans are the only greedy ones that want to live longer. But is it really greed? To try and live even though it’s impossible. Is it really greed? Even though patients may be faced with many obstacles and adversities, they still try their best to survive on strongly and resiliently without giving up. It is not wrong for these patients to grasp at every bit of life that they can get as every ray of hope is also a source of comfort and relief for these patients whom may not live long enough to do what they want.
Though I’m seeing the same view as yesterday, though I’m walking the same road as yesterday, my world has totally changed. Surely I will never laugh like that again. The old me no longer exists.
Day by day like this, will I be unable to do things? When I close my eyes, I become frightened of the next day approaching. When the morning comes, I get so afraid, pondering about whether it may get worse. I’m so scared of the time passing by.
Aya Ikeuchi
My opinion:
People say that humans are the only greedy ones that want to live longer. But is it really greed? To try and live even though it’s impossible. Is it really greed? Even though patients may be faced with many obstacles and adversities, they still try their best to survive on strongly and resiliently without giving up. It is not wrong for these patients to grasp at every bit of life that they can get as every ray of hope is also a source of comfort and relief for these patients whom may not live long enough to do what they want.
My mind's unweaving/ 9:28 PM
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Sometimes, my body doesn’t seem to be mine. I wonder what will happen to me?
Aya Ikeuchi
Aya Ikeuchi
My mind's unweaving/ 9:22 PM
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